Just Me

2006-04-28T19:46:00.000-04:00

I have decided to start a new blog. I just can not write openly here. If you want the web address, email me at lala5331@gmail.com. I will be happy to give it to you....all of you......except you....you know who you are! See you soon, Sissy

No Condoms on Sunday

2006-03-17T18:34:00.000-05:00

In the town where I live you can not buy condoms on Sunday. It's not some weird mountain law or anything. Not some commandment from God to the townspeople, "Thou shalt not sell condoms above 2,000 foot elevationss, on Sunday" There is only one store that sells condoms here, and it is not open on Sunday. Does that SUCK or what? I was cashiering on Sunday and a man-boy and his girlfriend came in. They looked a bit suspicious to me. Not like "oh-my-gawd-we-are-going-to-be-robbed" suspicious, more like "what-the-hell-are-they-doing" suspicious. They kept walking back and forth, he even half walked up to me at one point, but a customer came and plopped her over flowing red basket on my conveyer belt, he turned and walked away. A few minutes later he made it up to me, with no one else around, he leaned in toward me and in a low voice asked for condoms. But we don't sell condoms. I felt so bad. The kid was doing the right thing, he had mustered up the nerve to ask a woman where the condoms were. Which I suspect is no easy task for a young male. I figure it must be kinda like when a young girl buys tampons on her own, ya know? In leiu of condoms they bought candy and left. I guess chocolate is better than nothing! I kept thinking, NOW they are going to go and have unprotected sex! Just because tonight, they are stuck in this one horse, condomless town! I swear if I had some at home I would have given them to him!

Long Time No Type

2006-02-28T17:40:00.000-05:00

I haven't been online in 10 days. I haven't really missed it, strange. I have been busy over school vacation. My 16 year old took the bus up to visit. It was sooo WONDERFUL to have her in the house. I miss her alot. We really didn't do anything out of the ordinary, but we watched movies and talked and spent TIME together. I can not explain the feelings of joy I got from spending time with her. She even cooked supper for us one night. After 5 days I took her home to Massachusetts and visited there for a few days. It was great to see some of my family. I didn't get to see Shelli; she was sick {{sigh}}, that totally sucked!

It's weird, when I first get to Massachusetts, the first thing I want to do is turn around and go home. I feel out of place, as if I don't belong there anymore. After a day or so I feel fine and I usually end my visits by being sad to leave everyone again and wishing I was staying for good. It is a very strange situation for me. Anyway I ahve some of my peeps keeping their eyes open for an apartment and a job for me, while I save the money to move. All in due time. I am trying to live in the moment and enjoy whatever little bit of life I can enjoy here, while I am here. Living here has been a new experience for me and I am trying to enjoy it for what it is, trying to take the good and the bad and keep it in perspective.

On another note, my little ones started ski school today. They have never, ever been skiing before, neither have I for that matter. Usually on Tuesdays they get out of school at 1:30. But from now on they will be bused from school to the mountain for ski school until 4 pm. Cassidy was very nervous last night, but I am happy to report that they both had an awesome time and are the two newest members of the "I love skiing" club!! Maybe I should get my butt out there and give it a shot too! I think I will.....soon.

There was a death recently in my town. A kid, I guess that has lived here all his life, everyone knows him, got killed in a snowmobile accident, on a pond that is two minutes from my house. Word around is that he was drinking, he's underage. I was in Mass when it happened, so I got the story 3rd or 4th hand. Even though I didn't know this boy I can not help but feel sad by his tragedy. My heart aches for his parents. I work with his cousin and I just didn't know what to say to him today. I said I was sorry, what more could I say? I think I will pray to Shelli's God tonight, and ask for peace for his family.

Hug the people you love tonight, because you just never know.

Frozen Beauty

2006-02-16T14:56:00.000-05:00

Here are some pictures I took this morning when Hubby and I went for a walk at the waterfall. This is the same one we swam at this past summer. I wish I could sit and watch the water come over the falls at the point in time when it is actually freezing.

Anyway, I had my car fixed, turns out it was actually my car trying to kill me and not Mother Nature!

A few more days and my daughter will be here visiting and I am also going to Mass next week, can't wait to see everyone!

2006-02-16T14:55:00.000-05:00

2006-02-16T14:54:00.000-05:00

2006-02-16T14:53:00.000-05:00

2006-02-16T14:51:00.000-05:00

2006-02-16T14:47:00.000-05:00

2006-02-16T14:46:00.000-05:00

2006-02-16T14:44:00.000-05:00

Mother Nature's Second Attempt On My Life

2006-02-04T17:58:00.000-05:00

That's right, I almost wiped my damn car out AGAIN! What the hell is up with this?? I am a good driver, I was not going fast, just puttering along........ and BAM! (Emeril style) I was spinning and holy shit! No on coming traffic this time, but an ambulance was behind me! I stopped facing the opposite direction as to what I had been traveling and the ambulance pulled up along side me and asked if I was ok. I shook my head and she drove away. Then I drove away. I think Mother Nature has become an assasin and I am on her hit list. Seriously I think something is wrong with my car. Maybe a back brake is locking up on me or something, I dunno. I am not a mechanic, but it's just freakin' weird as hell. Needless to say, I didn't drive the hour and a half to buy the beds, I was to freaked out. The weather was worse anyway. I suppose I will be looking for a mechanic this week. Good luck to me!

Over The River and Through The Woods and Around The Lake and Over The Mountain......

2006-02-02T20:22:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I have to travel and hour and a half to buy my kids new beds. An hour and a damn half!! The only good part is that I get a dunkin coffee out of the deal. Does anyone else live in a remote rural area? How the hell do you cope? How do you do it??

Pissed at Pitt

2006-01-29T19:53:00.000-05:00

The Hubster suggested we watch "that movie with Brad Pitt and what's her name" tonight. Pfft! "You like him right"? To that I replied not any more! I am never watching another movie of his, or show or whatever. I am pissed at Pitt. You see I heart Jennifer, and Brad? Well he is just plain stupid. A stupid man that couldn't make a movie with Angelina Jolie and keep it in his damn pants at the same time. I hope Angelina's gay lover beats the shit out of him! And then I hope she gains 200 pounds while carrying his twins. And I hope they need a crane to drag her damn ass out of her limo. And then I hope Jen laughs. I hope she laughs long and loud!! Is anyone else out there pissed at Pitt? Raise ya hands up in da air, wave 'em round like ya juss don't care. Shout out and tell me why.

Them Theyuz Maynuz

2006-01-28T12:46:00.000-05:00

First there was this.

2006-01-28T12:45:00.000-05:00

And now there is this! All in one week.

Aching To Go Home

2006-01-25T19:39:00.000-05:00

I am aching to go home today, but I am not sure where that is anymore. I am lost. I feel like running toward a place where I feel safe. To a place where I know people support me, and are there for me. A place where I feel loved and respected. Today was a bad day. Bad and hurtful things happened today. They say home is where the heart is. I have many "hearts" in Massachusetts. In Massachusetts I can go for a short ride and get a coffee, sit in the parking lot and watch happy people go by, and pretend I am one of them. Not here. In Massachusetts I can call Shelli and say, "Hey I am coming over" and be there in 10 minutes. In Massachusetts I can flop on her couch and she can make me laugh and because I am laughing I won't cry. But then again I am a cry baby, so maybe I will. But that would be ok too. I have so many thoughts in my head, it just plain hurts. Not like a pounding, headachey kind of hurt, kind of like a hang over, my head weighs a hundred pounds kind of hurt. I smoked a damn cigarette today, to calm my nerves. It didn't. Just made me sick and gave me ash tray mouth ... BLAK ..... nasty. I think I have brushed and gargled 15 times and still ....BLAK, I need an altoid...probably don't have those here either. Two more days of work and I get a day off, I can not wait to be able to stay in bed. The best part is that I won't have to put on a happy face and be pleasant with people, while I am withering inside. Withering sucks! I will keep my fingers crossed that tomorrow is a better day. You too!

Idiots, Geeks and Assholes

2006-01-21T17:56:00.000-05:00

It's kind of a cute place, in a hick-mountain-town sort of way, No?

2006-01-21T17:47:00.000-05:00

This is were I work. Shelli calls it the "Idiots, Geeks and Assholes" store. I still love her though. It's a mindless job, just like I wanted. No pressure, no responsibility, no problems. All I have to do is be there on time and listen for those little beeps as I pass other people's groceries over my scanner.

Stuff Portrait Friday - Tooth Brushes

2006-01-20T17:41:00.000-05:00

Mine is the purple one, on the right, in the back. We all got new tooth brushes from Santa for Christmas. Thank You Santa.

Stuff Portrait Friday - Towels

2006-01-20T17:38:00.000-05:00

Here are some of my towels, the others have taken a small vacation to the laundry area.

Stuff Portrait Friday - Lotions

2006-01-20T17:34:00.000-05:00

Here they are, my lotions, they are all cheap shit, except for the one in the front, "secret crush", which is from bath and body.

Funky Shoes

2006-01-19T20:02:00.000-05:00

I took a picture of my new shoes, to make Shelli laugh, to keep her from being sad, as I tell the story of how I was almost killed today.

2006-01-19T19:23:00.000-05:00

Seriously......I was driving down the mountain, mesmirized by the 70's rock CD I was listening to and the humm of my tires and I hit a patch of ice. I was on part of the road that bares slightly left. I guess I was going a little too fast for those road conditions, I started to break because a tanker truck followed by a jeepwere coming up the hill and I wasn't sure I could keep my car completely in my own lane. As soon as my foot touched the break, I lost control of my car. My front end went left, my back end went right, I slid sideways, heading toward the other lane. The tanker whooshed by on the right and I swear my hair flew back even though my window was completely closed. Still sliding sideways toward the jeep, I didn't breath or blink, my hands grabbed the wheel and turned into the skid. My front snow tires grabbed a piece of dry road, the back end of the car slid to the left, somehow we got out of the way of the jeep. The car came to a jerking halt bouncing from the left tires to the right tires like Herbie the Love Bug. I looked around, saw in my rear view mirror the brake lights of the jeep go off as it continued up over the hill. I stepped on the gas and we drove off. It took a minute before I started to lose my breath and cry, I was that shaken. We were not even wearing seat belts. I'll tell ya, someone was looking out for us today. Shelli this is the part where you go look at my knew shoes, so you are not sad.

So Beautiful, Yet So Painful

2006-01-17T19:22:00.000-05:00

How can such a beautiful place, inflict such pain on me? This is the lake and the mountains, this is what I see at the end of my street. People actually live on that island.

2006-01-17T19:18:00.000-05:00

And here he is, my blog friends, my husband!!

Pac-topus

2006-01-17T19:14:00.000-05:00

I thought this snow creature was a pac-man ghost (go figure I am a child of the 70's), anyway The Hubster says it is an octopus....see the snow tentacles??? He is thooo thmaaat!

Snow Bunnies

2006-01-17T19:11:00.000-05:00

This is how they leave for school every morning, all bundled up like the kid on "Christmas Story"! At least they didn't shoot their eyes out, then again I wouldn't buy them a stupid gun anyway!

Depression is a Monster

2006-01-13T18:58:00.000-05:00

A lot has happened since I moved to Maine. One of the big things is that I stopped taking medication for depression and anxiety when I migrated. I had been on the medication for 2 maybe 3 years. I figured I didn't need it anymore. I figured I could "handle" my illness with out it. Now, I am not so sure.

It's been almost six months and I never really had that "crash and burn" stage I was warned about. I think it's just been sneaking up on my ass all along.

I have issues and quite honestly I don't know if they are due to my lack of medication or my lack of Massachusetts. Some days everything makes me cry. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. I just can not hold back my tears. Some days I feel like I am on a rollercoaster, first I am happy and content, next I am devastated and aching, then I pull myself up by my boot straps, kick myself in the ass, put a smile on my face and move on. Some days my bed is the safest, most comfortable, relaxing place in the universe, the only place I can hide, but I force myself to get up.

I remember before the medication, sleep was the only thing that stopped the pain. It was my refuge. It was my eye in the storm. I feel myself drifting toward that place again. The place where my head swirls with so many thoughts and so many questions with out answers that they get all mixed up into a whirling cyclone of thought that devours me. It devours my energy. It makes me feel like I have been running uphill, in the rain, in the dark; cold, exhausted, lonely and alone.

I miss my kids, I miss my family and I miss my friend. Everytime I hit a bump in the road I want to run back to Massachusetts. There have been days when I almost got into the car and went. I don't know where in the hell I thought I was going to, with no home or job, or belongings but anything had to be better than here at that moment. I am afraid and I don't know what to do. I wrestle with going back every single day. Do you know how painful that is? How emotionally draining?

I moved here for a better life. I thought I was leaving my problems behind, the stress from work and the city, and the slumlord in the expensive, yet crappy neighborhood. I left that all behind, but you can not leave behind that which is inside of you. The monster is inside of me. It has been dormant for a while, I thought it was gone. But it was just waiting for the right time, it is sneaky, it is re-awakening and threatening to take away what little I have left. You, see I feel as if I have lost and not gained by moving here. I am homesick. Some say it's normal. Some say it takes a year or longer to get used to a new place. At least for a move as drastic as ours was. I don't know if I will last a year.

I have an appointment next week with a monster slayer, I hope he can help me.

Blog Life vs. Real Life

2006-01-11T08:22:00.000-05:00

I have a problem. . .

I am a closet blogger.

The only people in my real life that know I have a blog are Shelli and Hubby. (Oh, and Hubbychong's brother and my old boss, they both dooced me) I don't know if the last two still read me, Hubbychong does not, and I know Shelli does.

My problem is that I would love to share my blog with the rest of my family, (on one hand) but I am afraid. I feel this is a place that I should be able to be totally free with my words and emotions. I also feel, that if I would be inhibited to write honestly, if I knew that family would be reading. I have gotten into trouble several times for this blog, when Hubbychong found out I was writing about personal problems, I got in trouble, when my boss found out I was writing about moving to Maine, I got in trouble. Getting dooced can spell big trouble. I mean I didn't lose my job, (I was leaving anyway) and I didn't lose my marriage (but he was pretty pissed), but it was still painful.

So, I am at a crossroad, here. It might actually be a learning experience to open my blog to family, and to force myself to still write honestly. Or it could be devastating to me and them.

Do you have this problem? Is your blog a secret from the people in your real life? If so what have you experienced, good or bad? If your real life family and friends read your blog are you inhibited to write honestly? Please comment, reading other people's experiences may help me make this decision.

Happy Fucking Wednesday!
Sissy

(perfect example here, could I write "Happy Fucking Wednesday", if I knew my mother was reading this?)

Things That Make Ya Go Hmm. . . . .

2006-01-08T10:42:00.000-05:00

Hubby worked a long day yesterday..... he must really have been tired.......

The phone rings (hubby is at work, we are at home, it's time for him to punch out and join us):

Hubby: Am I walking home tonight?

Sissy: Um, if you want to......

Hubby: Well are you coming to pick me up?

Sissy: Um, hun? You have the car.

Hubby: Oh, shit, see you in a few.

Sissy: (laughing) Now getcha ass home!

Sledding

2006-01-07T19:34:00.000-05:00

We went sledding today. I'll tell ya what, when I got to the top of this sucker I was out of freakin' breath. Then when I looked down, from up there, I wasn't so sure I wanted to sled down it. I didn't want to discourage my kids so, I did it. It was steep as hell and I almost blew chunks the first time down.

Frozen Tundra

2006-01-07T19:30:00.000-05:00

This is the lake we swim in. It is frozen now. All those tracks you see are from snowmobiles. They actually go ACROSS the lake on those machines! Too scary for my ass! And those are my little ones Bam-Bam and 'Lil Diva, not that you can see then well. I need practice with my camera I suppose!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

2006-01-07T19:25:00.000-05:00

This is my daughter (on the right), Cassidy, (a.k.a. 'lil diva), and her best friend Victoria outside our house.

Icicles Until May

2006-01-07T19:20:00.000-05:00

Here are some big damn icicles hanging on the side of my bank here in the arctic tundra. I am sure they will be here until spring. The temp just doesn't rise above freezing, Not until April or May anyway. One good thing, if you get thirsty while in the drive thru line, you can just reach up from your car window and brake one off to suck on!

It's not a Maine thing I swear!

2006-01-04T12:42:00.000-05:00

When I was in Massachusetts for the holidays, Shelli and I had a conversation in which I used the phrase "hen-pecked". When she finally stopped laughing, like 5 minutes later when she started to turn blue, she said she had never heard of that. "Is that a "Maine" thing?", she quipped. So I am taking a survey to prove to her that it is not a Maine thing. Has anyone else ever heard of or used this phrase? If so, what is your definition?

Happy New Year

2005-12-31T17:16:00.000-05:00

I hope this New Years Eve finds all of my long lost internet friends in a happy place! May 2006 be everything you hope it to be. I would like to leave you all with some words of wisdom. Not my words...but words of wisdom none the less:

"Time is like a handful of sand, the tighter you grasp it, the faster it runs through your fingers." (Anonymous)

So my friends, make the most of every moment, enjoy your life, enjoy your family. If you are not happy, take the steps to make yourself happy, and don't be afraid. Don't let fear of change or defeat hold you back from acheiving happiness. Life is short. Love hard.

Happy New Year and much love,
Sissy

Back in the Saddle

2005-12-30T16:49:00.000-05:00

Hello, ya'all! Long time no type. I hope everyone had an awesome holiday. Mine was ok. Went to Massachusetts to visit family and friends. The visiting was good, the drive was long. Still is was nice to see everyone. Wish I had more time there, but hubbychong had to come back for work, so here we are back in the arctic tundra of hell!

I got a computer for Christmas. Well, the whole chong family did. I suppose I can share it . . . . sometimes. Anyway, I have missed ya'all and am glad to be back. Look for my comments on your blogs, I will be making the rounds!

Happy, Healthy New Year!
Sissy

2005-10-27T13:00:00.000-04:00

Have I made the Right Decision?

I have a problem with second guessing myself. I guess it boils down to not trusting my decision making skills. I could get all psychological and blame it on my childhood or my parent(s), but I blame enough on them already.

Two members of my family have commented, behind my back (bitches) that they can not believe I left (abandoned) my 16 year old in Massachusetts to finish high school. "She'll be pregnant in a year!", they said.

This really bummed me out. I have looked up to one of these family members all of my life. I am very disappointed in her. Not to mention hurt.

Allowing my daughter to finish high school in Massachusetts, was a difficult and heart wrenching decision. One that took a lot of thought. I weighed the facts and made the best decision for my daughter. Some people don't see it that way. I mean in my eyes as long as the situation is not going to cause the child harm, isn't happiness the important thing?

My daughter is a good kid. Not a troubled teen. She does well in school and I have never had to stand over her and MAKE her do well. She strives to do well on her own. She has never come home high or drunk. Not to say she hasn't experimented. She and I have talked about drugs and she admitted she had tried weed, she said she wasn't interested in doing that. She has never gotten into trouble with the law. Never been suspended from school, never gotten into a fight. NOTHING.

She has a boyfriend that is older than her. He was/is a friend of my son, so I have known him for years. I just could not see taking her away from her friends and boyfriend in her junior year of high school. I tried to think back to when I was 16, and how it would have felt to be dropped into a totally different place geographically at that time in my life. It would have ripped me apart.

She knows that she is responsible for her own body. In other words she can not rely on another person for protection. We have talked about this many times, before I even decided to move to Maine. We have also talked about how hard it is and how your life changes when you have an unexpected baby. She says she doesn't want kids. Maybe that will change when she is older maybe not.

She knows there are rules and criteria that must be met in order for her to stay in Massachusetts. She must continue to do well in school and she must continue to be responsible and stay out of trouble. And she knows that I will be there in 6 hours to take her to Maine if she messes up!

When we first moved here I used to say, "be bad" instead of "be good" at the end of our phone conversations. Yah know, so I could have a reason to insist she move to Maine. She thought this was hilarious. She weould say nevaaa!

We talk on the phone often. Almost everyday. She even called me one morning when she wasn't feeling well to see if it would be ok to stay home from school!

You see, I am still very involved in her life. I have not abandoned her as some may think. On top of that she is living with the only person I would trust with my child, Shellibells.

I guess I am trying to justify my actions and decisions, I dunno, I jusy wish this person would not judge; she really doesn't have the facts. Then again, I have noticed in recent years that she judges everyone, I guess it's just my turn!

I am torn between writing her a letter to let her know how I feel or just brushing it under the rug. What do you think?

2005-10-25T11:13:00.000-04:00

How To Avoid Fucking Yourself in One Easy Step
by Sissy B. Bummin

When you move and your phone number changes; call your old number to make sure it actually has been shut off. If you don't the new slime ball tenants (probably relatives of Skanky Frankie the slumlord), may use your service and run up a big-ass freakin' bill!

2005-10-21T13:15:00.000-04:00

So anyway......

I look over at my daughter, Cassidy, and she is licking the cat. Yes, peeps I said licking the fucking cat.

In my bestest of best mommy voice I say, "Cassie, why are you licking the cat?"
She says, "Because I wanted to kiss her like she kisses me."

The logic of a child!

Happy Friday from the Western Mountains of Maine!

2005-10-04T15:54:00.000-04:00

Feelin' Shitty Wit Da Nitty Gritty!

I really feel like shit right now. I hurt someone's feelings. Someone I don't even know, but I know I hurt her feelings. She wouldn't look me in the eye...that's how I know.

I waited on an English couple for lunch the other day. They were very nice and I loved their accents. I don't remember what he had for lunch, but she had a crab salad sandwich on a baguette. We chit chatted off and on while I was serving them. When they were done eating as I took their plates, she asked me to tell the chef that her sandwich had been absolutely looveely (insert English accent here). So I did. When I told the chef there were a few others standing around, everyone laughed out loud at what I said....you see I mimicked the English accent. When I say they laughed I mean they laughed......loud. I immediately knew that the couple where in hearing distance of this. I felt so bad. I even tried to convince myself that they couldn't have possibly heard. But I knew, as soon as I walked back out on the floor they had. The smile was gone from her face, and she wouldn't look at me.

I swear I didn't mean to be hurtful and I wasn't making fun of her accent. I wish I had, had the balls to apologize to her. She must think americans are bumbling idiots.

UGH!

Happy Fucking Tuesday!

2005-09-27T12:09:00.000-04:00

Tuesday is Chooseday...but not on this blog

{{{sigh}}.....Good Morning everyone. Happy Fall to ya'all. The trees are turning beautiful colors of amber and gold here...already. It seems to me that this part of Maine is about four or six weeks ahead of where I used to live in Massachusetts. (Of course the spring will be four or six weeks later than my old home too) It's breathtaking to look out over the lake and see the mountains changing colors a bit more each day. I hope to go out and draw or paint one of these days. I want to capture my first fall here before it is over. I have a feeling it will be over before I know it, just like the summer was.

I am working way too much right now. One more month and we will be closed for a whole month (November). My plan is to earn as much money as I can now....basically working my ass off, so we will be set for Christmas. Right now I am working a breakfast shift at one place and a dinner shift at another. I don't really like the split days but what's a girl supposed to do? I gotta take what I can get right now.

We seem to be adjusting nicely here....(except for missing Shelli, K-dawg, Alyssa and Randy). I have made some friends between school and work and neighbors. Cassidy has joined ballet class and Kyle has joined karate.

Randy, my 19 year old, who stayed in Massachusetts, has been released form jail....thank gosh! Oh I never did tell that story did I? Well he was on probation for slicing the tires of a friends ex-girlfriend. (Bad...bad boy!) Anyway, to make a long story short, he never went to probation so they called him back into court, which he did not go to, so a warrant was issued for his arrest. Eventually they caught up with him and he spent 4 or 5 weeks in jail, waiting to go to court. Lucky for him when he went to court they put him back on probation. I hope he has learned his lesson. I know he hated being stuck in there, but I hope he hated it enough to keep his ass on the straight and narrow. So he is home now, looking for work, and he better be keeping his damn self out of trouble. His girlfriend cheated on him while he was there, no surprise to me. She is a stupid, skanky, hoe, much like her ex-con mother. God forgive me for feeling so mean towards them.

Alyssa, my 16 year old, who is residing at the Moment in Massachusetts with Shelli, is going for her drivers permit this week. Can I just say "WAAAH"!? I am sad because I want to teach her to drive! And of course because she is forcing me to see how old I am getting, damn her!

I have missed my first blogging anniversary!! I was in August! "Just Me" has been around for a whole year!! So...Happy Anniversary to you, my little bloggy-pooh!

On that note, I have to go get ready for work, again.

Happy Fucking Tuesday!

Sissy

2005-09-15T10:42:00.000-04:00

Holy shit.......Has it really been 6 freakin' weeks since my fingers have touched a keyboard?? Am I really here?? (poking-self) Yes, indeed I am really here!!

HEY YA'ALL!! How is everyone? I can not even begin to recount the events of the past weeks. Way too much to try and remember in detail.

My computer is in Massachusetts recovering from a nervous breakdown. It is recovering at Shelli's brother's house. I am at the public library......duh....... I should have thought of this long ago. My apologies.

We have been exploring our "new", not so new anymore home town. Still, in love with it. I have gotten to know a handful of people, thru work and the school. It's funny here. Funny strange, not funny ha-ha. I went to the IGA to get milk and stopped five different times to chat with 5 different people. It took me the better part of 45 minutes to pick up a gallon of milk. It is impossible to be anonymous here. Some days I wish I could just slip in and out of a store, invisibly like I could do in the city. Other days I welcome the chit-chat. Just call me 'lil miss bi-polar.

We had many visitors over the summer. By far the best visit was that of Sheli, K-dawg and Alyssa (my 16 yr old)! We had so much damn fun. We shopped and drank and swam and drank and did I mention that we drank? We took Sheli moosing. Picture this......Me driving and Sheli's head and shoulders popped out of the sun roof, shining a mag light in the trees and shrubs looking for moose! It truly was priceless! I am trying to find a good man up here for Sheli in hopes she will migrate with me. HA- I know selfish bitch! But, I miss them all so much and at the same time I don't want to leave here. It is my home now.

The kids are back in school. So far they love it. I have great communication with their teachers. Mwah-ha-ha...they better be behaving or I will know before they even step foot off the bus. I went to my first PTA meeting last night. All I keep picturing is Barbara Eden in Harper Valley PTA.....I swear I didn't dress like that! HA!

The child terrorizer still lives next door. Everytime I get mad at him I remember Charlotte's wisdom..."he is crying out for help". This has helped me to not be mean to him. Thank you Charlotte!

I am currently trying to decide between three jobs. I have pretty much eliminated one, I guess I will be giving my two weeks notice this weekend. The second one I will keep, I love it there.The 3rd was just offered to me yesterday as I was walking up my street, so I am pondering that one. More details later.

I hope this post finds everyone in good health and good spirits. I plan to come here every other days or so to post until my computer has recovered. So, tell all your friends and mine to Sissy's back in the hiz-ouse!!

2005-07-27T15:11:00.000-04:00

The Child Terrorizer

Yesterday, I ratted out a 12 year old. I have mixed feelings about it, but at the time it was either that or pummel him into the sand. Since I can get into trouble for the latter I decided being a rat would be better.
He is my new neighbor. He seems like an OK kid, but he is loud and hyper. He is the type that likes to take charge. It seems he likes to play with younger kids so he can "be the boss". He must be a local, because when he an his mother moved in next door, he seemed to know everyone by name, except us.
I took Cassie and Kyle to the beach yesterday. He was there. He goes there alone, his mother works days. As soon as my son was up to his knees in the water he was tackled and pushed under. OK, I know kids will be kids, no problem. I politely asked him not to do that again. He looked at me, didn’t say anything and went back to swimming. Now he and my children and another child are playing around in the water. He like to call himself the child terrorizer. (Argh) He kept chanting the "child terrorizer is gonna getcha" and chasing them around like a game of tag. My kids were having fun. But as I watched, I began to see a pattern. If he was near a child he would call their name, as soon as he or she turned around to face him, they would get a big splash of water right in the face. When he "tagged" one of the girls he just tagged them. When he "tagged" one of he boys, he would put them in some kind of wrestling move and throw them under. So I politely asked him to stop dunking Kyle. Again he looked at me and said nothing.
A couple of minutes later he began throwing my son and another boy under the water over and over again. The boys were barely able to catch their breaths or wipe their eyes between dunks. I thought to myself, Kyle can not be enjoying this kind of play. Hyper-boy put Kyle in a head lock and Kyle said, Don’t......glub glub glub.
That was it! I saw RED! I slammed my book shut, the sound startling the older lady next to me, she jumped. I stomped down to the water’s edge, making deep heel prints in the sand. I didn’t even bother to try to calm myself before I spoke. I said, "Travis, keep your hands OFF of Kyle" Again, the blank glance and not a word. I called Kyle to the shore. I told him to go play with some other children because Travis was being a Bully. I said Travis and bully louder than the rest of the sentence, hoping he and the lifeguard would hear me. Kyle sulked off to find another playmate. I went back to reading.
I looked up to check on my kids and Travis the child terrorizer had another little boy in a "sleeper hold" I remember the move from when I was a kid, I used to watch Andrea the Giant and other wrestlers on Saturday mornings with my dad. He kept the move on the boy while dunking him and then bringing him back up. Again, the boy could barely catch a breath in between dunks. All I heard was Tra...glub....glub....{dunk} I can’t.....glub..... glub.....(dunk)
Again I saw RED! I put my book down with out closing it and glanced around the beach for the lifeguards. At the end of the diving dock I found them, chatting with friends. I marched up to them, and told them the story of Travis the Child Terrorizer. He knew I was talking to them about him. I was talking loud and pointing to him. He started to walk out of the water, quickly. The life guard followed him to reprimanded him. Travis didn’t say anything in his defense. He just asked the lifeguard the time. I took my kids and left. I was still infuriated.
I expected his mother to come knocking on my door, when I saw her come home from work. She didn’t. Maybe he didn’t tell her. I am trying to decide if I should speak with her. I have seen him at the beach WITH her. He doesn’t act like this. If it was my son, I would WANT someone to tell me.
I need my Internet friends opinions. What would you do?

2005-07-26T07:34:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning wondering if we, as parents, EVER stop worrying about our kids? I suppose I should ask my mother. I know at the moment, she would say no. Seeing as how I have taken 2 of her grandchildren and moved us 300 miles from the only place we have ever lived. I think she would definitely say that a parent never stops worrying.

About a week and half before we left for Maine, my oldest son moved back to Massachusetts from Maine. Why, you ask? Well that is a long story and one that I am not sure I know all the pieces of. Ya know when something, someone tells you just doesn't make complete sense? That's how I feel about his reasoning for moving back to Massachusetts. Anyway, I digress. So, he left a job and a cute apartment in Maine and moved back to Massachusetts.

It's no secret my oldest son has caused me many grey hairs between the ages of 14 and 19. I worried about him through those years. Is he hanging out with the wrong people? (Yes) Is he getting into drugs? (Hmm) Would he get into trouble with the long arm of the law (yes)

While he was in Maine I worried about him. He has never lived anywhere besides our former city in Massachusetts, he had no family close by. He had no car. How would he find a job, etc. He over came those hurdles.

Now, he is back in Massachusetts and the worrying starts again. He has no place to live, he hops from one friend's house to another carrying his things in a bag like a hobo. He and his girlfriend broke up (slut, cheater, bitch). He lost his job because she (slut, cheater, bitch) wouldn't give him his uniform and they fired him for not having it. He is heart broken and alone.

We talked for a long time the other night. Me, trying to help him decide which path to take with his life. He doesn't want to return to Maine. Why must he choose the difficult road? He and my 15 year old daughter are coming to visit this weekend. I am dying to see them both. It seems like so long since I have seen their beautiful faces. I miss them so.

Why must parents worry forever?

2005-07-22T17:15:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe I have only been here a bit over 3 weeks. It seems like a lifetime ago when I could not let my kids go out and play unless I was going to be right there watching them, and watching out for any rumblings of trouble in the street. I don't hear any yelling, I don't hear any tires squealing, I don't here fighting in the street. No motorcycles whizzing up and down the sidewalks. It all seems so far away now. It seems like something I read in a book. The life of a character in a book and not my own.

I love it here. I feel at home here. Life is simple here. My children can run and play in the yard. They can ride their bikes and play tag with the other children that live close by. I don't have to worry about drive bys and stray bullets or drunken people pissing on my porch. Life is slower here, calmer, laid back.

I live a 5 minute walk away from what they call "the village". If you have ever been to Vineyard Haven on Martha's Vineyard that is what the village looks like. It is quaint. Small shops, restaurants, ice cream parlors line the street. Yes, I said THE street. There is one main street that runs right thru town. On that street is just about everything you could want. The two banks, the post office, the general store, the one screen theatre, the pharmacy, the gas and car repair station, the insurance agency, the laundromat, the video store, the grocery store, the doctor and the dentist. You can tell the locals from the tourists most times. The first week everyone thought I was a tourist, after that the girl at the general store who always knew I wanted an ice coffee said, "you still here?" So I explained that we moved here. Turns out she is from Pembroke, MA. Every person that found out we moved here welcomed us. Really, they did, they actually said, "Welcome to The Village". I feel welcome here.

We swim just about every day at the lake. It is close and it is free. The kids love it and I must admit I have been jumping in and swimming like I used to when I was a kid too! As I mentioned in a previous post we have seen deer and black bear in our back yard and moose up on moose alley.

Last night the kids and I went to the annual street dance. Local bands were playing music and people were dancing and laughing and having fun. It was like a village block party. When we drove home and pulled into our driveway, my headlights shown on two figures at the end of the drive way. As my eyes focused on them I realized my husband was sitting there on the grass feeding a black bear. Do not adjust your computer screen. You read correctly, he was sitting there feeding a black bear my damn grapes!! Out of his hand! I know, I know, the man is crazy! I was lucky enough to have my camera in the car and I got three pictures of him with her. It was a great sight. I will have pics of her and of the waterfall soon.

Happy "Happy to be Alive" Friday!

2005-07-17T13:21:00.000-04:00

Testing one, two.......testing.......

Holy freakin' shit! I am connected to the internet!!! I don't beleive it!

Sissy's in da Hizz-ouse!!

Hey ya'all!! I am so damn excited to be online!! I have felt like my left arm has been gone.

Everything is going wonderfully. I love it here. Sorry Shelster, I know you were hoping I would come running and screaming back to Assachusetts. You still have a chance though the winter may just kick my ass! We shall see. Look at the bright side of things you can now take a vacation for the cost of gas!! That's good right?

Anywho....I have missed you ALL very, very much. I have tons of blog reading (and writing) to catch up on.

I have plenty of Maniac stories to tell already. In summary......I have swam in a waterfall, I have seen many deer and a black bear in my back yard. Yes, in my back yard!! And I have seen several moose. Those bad boys are huge! One day we had about 5 eagles circling over our house. I was watching them with the binoculars. They are beautiful creatures.

I have pictures in my camera, that I will post as soon as I drive 42 miles to the closest Wal-mart to have them developed!

Well, it is hot here. I am gonna go jump in the lake to cool off.

Happy Gladtobefuckingback Sunday!

2005-06-27T11:18:00.000-04:00

The Ass-u-lum of Horror

Hey ya'all! Long time-no type. I have been committed to an insane assylum, where I am typing this entry from right now! It's a nice place.....nice soft walls......pretty metal bars to block out that horrid sun......elegant plastic silverware........and the "vitamins" I get three times a day, well let's just say they make me feels SO GOOOD...except for the drooling.

OK, ok, I am kidding. It's almost time for the migration. I am really starting to freak out! So much more to do. So many more people to say goodbye to. Oh and this is real. I am really moving. I think, I just this past weekend FELT that! We were sitting at Shelli's hanging out and I just felt this rush of anxiety, and I said, "oh shit"! Hubby chong or Shelli, maybe both, I don't know I was immersed in thought, said "What?" I just remember thinking, FUCK we are really moving, and soon too! Just like holy shit this is really going down. This little voice keeps saying, what the hell are you moving to Maine for? It's like a little devil on my shoulder trying to start trouble. Back the fuck off Devil, I have my own pitch forks, just ask Shelli, we made s'mores with them just the other night!!

Anyway, the migration starts soon. I am both excited and anxious. And on top of that I just realized we can probably not trick or treat with K-dawg and The Shelster this year, what a freakin' bummer. I think we have more fun that the kids do! Damit. So many things are about to change, all at once....sometimes I don't handle change very well, I am hoping this is not one of those times. Wish me luck!!

2005-06-21T09:11:00.000-04:00

Big Brothers

When I was a kid I always wanted a big brother. Someone I could tag along with, someone I could look up to. Like Joanie and Ritchie Cunningham of Happy Days. I could be his cute little sister and then when I got a bit older I would have a crush on one of his geeky friends. At some point we would become friends and not so much siblings. We would do stuff together like hang out at Arnold's and double date in bobby socks. Well I would wear the bobby socks not him.

Yesterday, for the first time I was glad I did not have an older brother. Older brothers? They do mean things to their little sisters. They try to trick them. Poor sweet innocent little sisters trust their brothers and big brothers take advantage of that. And then they laugh, they laugh so hard their face turns red and they can barely breath! They laugh so hard at little sisters in distress that they just about pee their pants!

Although I never saw this on Happy Days, it happens. It's like the Underground Big Brother Society. Secretly, their mission is to torture little sisters everywhere. Just because they are cute. Just because when they came into the world everyone oohed and aaahed over them. There by taking away the "center of attention" status of the big brother. Yesterday, my son was inducted into the UBBS Hall of Fame.

Kyle (8) and Cassidy (6) where sitting together at the table eating scrambled eggs for supper. (yea sometimes we have breakfast for supper, so shuddduppp!) I was baking chocolate chip cookies for dessert. The first batch was cooling and I placed a nice warm cookie on each of their napkins.

What I am about to tell you happened so naturally. It was as if Kyle had planned and rehearsed this moment for a week. He picked up his cookie, pretrended to dip it in the ketchup on his plate that was left over from his eggs. He took a bite and proclaimed that chocolate chip cookies dipped in ketchup are DELICIOUS! He then looked at his sister and said one small phrase. "You should try it". Cassidy picked up her cookie whole heartily dipped in her ketchup and took a big ole bite. She chewed for half a second until her taste buds registered the tangy tasting concoction. Her eyes got big, her mouth was clamped shut but her cheeks were puffed up with air like she was going to spew a mouth full of chewed ketchup chip cookie all over the kitchen. He laughed and laughed and laughed. I helped her spit out the nastiness and whispered in her ear that we would get him back when he least expected it. She looked at me all serious-like and shook her head up and down.

He was still laughing.

Happy Tuesday!!

2005-06-20T16:36:00.000-04:00

My Feet, They Are Getting Cold
I am starting to freak out. I am getting cold feet. Not that I am going to change my mind, but I am becoming very anxious. I hate anxious. Anxious makes me crazy. Crazy makes me crazier, than normal. I sat at my desk today and cried because I am leaving this job. What the hell is wrong with me?

The rest of my time as a Masshole (thats what they call us up there) is going to seem very long. The waiting, the waiting is killing me. I have nothing left to pack except the kitchen and bathroom essentials. Can't pack those until moving day.

I keep asking myself, "What are you insane?, Leaving everything you have ever known? Leaving your job?" Ya know this is something I should have done when I was say 20 or something. I am second guessing myself, and then 3rd guessing that. Basically I am driving myself insane. I am right now typing this so fast that my fingers are getting cramped. I need to go hit a punching bag, or run as fast and as far as I can before I pass out. Something to release all this...this......I don't know what is it energy? Anxiety? Stress? All of the above? Ye thats it all of the above.

ok, I have to go now, go do something, somewhere. Have a good night ya'all!

2005-06-16T09:05:00.000-04:00

I am.........

I am from warm fluffy comforters, from Red Door and Dunkin Donuts.

I am from the happiness, and the beauty, and the peace and strength.

I am from the weeping willow, the lilac and the waterfalls.

I am from midnight Christmas' and from laughing, from Nane and Grandpa, Voa Voa and Mom and Dad

I am from the helpers and worriers.

From the serene and compassionate.

I have little faith.

I'm from the North, the South, the East and West, from kale soup and malassadas.

From falling off the bed with Roberta Gail, from the hurt, and the anxious.

I am from the photo albums, from the memories, rich with love.

I got this from Susie who got it from Vajana who got it from HDL. If you want to try it the template is here, half way down the page in a shaded box. It was sort of hard, I wonder why?

2005-06-15T21:25:00.000-04:00

nothing 017
Originally uploaded by Sissychong.

THANK YOU CHARLOTTE!!

Here it is peeps, my package from Charlotte! See the cute toe socks? Those are so I can BEE Happy in Maine. And do you see the teeth keepers?? So I can keep my teeth, in Maine, a new tooth brush AND floss! Charlotte is not only SUPER-NANNY she is a part time tooth fairy! Oh and one more thing, the cutie-patootie post cards, so I can mail all my friends my new address!

Charlotte, you are awesome! Thank you somuch!! :o)

2005-06-15T21:15:00.000-04:00

nothing 018
Originally uploaded by Sissychong.

Here they are the BEE HAPPY in Maine Socks!

2005-06-15T21:12:00.000-04:00

nothing 019
Originally uploaded by Sissychong.

If I have no other way to get to Maine, I can always hitch hike!

2005-06-15T13:09:00.000-04:00

Coming Soon.......

I'm too thexy for my toe thocks........too thexy...........

2005-06-14T08:48:00.000-04:00

My Monday

Sissy we need to have a talk. I remember thinking, the tone of his voice sounded odd. He continued. I came across something on your computer, the day you were out sick. It's called double you double you double you dot sissychong dot blogspot dot c....................

That's all I remember hearing. His words were mumbled and I felt like I was trapped on the merry-go-round at the park. Spinning and spinning. My brain struggled to make sense of what my ears were hearing. I was able to put together Maine.........notice...........pissy attitude............ blinking orange...................

I could do nothing but look from one to the other with my mouth hanging open. I was still trying to put together his puzzle of words. My blog? He had come across my blog? Then I knew. He had been reading my blog!

When was I planning to tell them I was moving?

My voice squeaked, "Well we .........."

And my pissy attitude last week was because of this.

I tried again, "Well I........"

We have had an ad in the paper for a week, waiting for you to tell us. When will your last day be?

My vocal cords started to work again and I croaked out, "the end of the month".

Well we can use you until we find someone and I'm sure you can use the money.

The dam broke and my eyes overflowed. I blurted words in between sobs. I don't even know what I said. Neither did they.

One said, "Are you alright?"

The other said, "Are we still friends?"

I shook my head yes and the conversation was over just as quickly as it had begun. I tried to stifle my sniffles. Finally, I gave up and just retreated to the ladies room.

When I came out, they left to make sales calls. That was it. Their demeanor with me was back to normal. I was in a stuporing fog. Snipettes of words played in my head. I did the mental equivalent of rewinding and fast forwarding the conversation over and over.

I thought I was going to toss my cookies.

2005-06-10T10:38:00.000-04:00

Bongo Butt

Lil Diva said "Your butt is a great drum mom......you should be in a band!" As she was smacking my butt like a bongo.

Darn kids!

2005-06-08T13:04:00.000-04:00

Hi, Krisitne is this better?

My worrying was for nothing. Ya'all were right. He was just in a pissy mood. He talked to me before he left, and this AM he was nice as pie. (Mmmm pie)

I played a hilarious joke on Sheli this morning. I am so dam proud of myself. It was actually payback, because she has enlisted Hubby to help her scam me not once but twice! The bizotch! He always rats her out in the end because he has to live with ME! DUH.

So anyway my joke, hee, I still chuckle just thinking about it. Sheli had to deposit some checks into her bank account today. A big check. The bank doesn't open until after she needs to leave for work. So being the wonderful friend that I am, I suggested she give me the deposit to make for her. I was going in late, because of an appointment anyway. I pratically drive by her bank on the way to work. Aren't I nice?

Last night after much back and forth-arey we decided she would drop the deposit thru my passenger window, which I would leave open a crack, in the parking lot of my appointment. Before we hung up she commented that she hoped she wouldn't forget.

Everything was fine, the deposit was in my car when I was done, I went to the bank and then to work. But on the way to work, as I was trying to figure out how to get her back for the fro-toady incident, it hit me! I will tell her I didn't get it. It wasn't there.

And that my friends, is how you make Sheli crap her pants at 9:00 am! Go Sissy-Go Sissy {{doing the cabbage patch}}

I didn't let it go on to long though. I am not that mean.

2005-06-07T13:32:00.000-04:00

Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Why do I feel like I have done something wrong? I haven't. Yet I feel guilty for some reason. I feel like, they think I did stole from them or something. It feels like they are mad at me. I guess I project the guilt onto myself. Why? Why? Why do I do this to myself. Maybe because I think, my boss is mad. He has not talked to me all day. Just puts stuff on my desk and walks away. Maybe it's me. Maybe he is upset because he had a disagreement with his son this AM. Maybe it's my damn imagination.

We have a problem with the books. They are not balancing for the month of June. The mistake is somewhere, but I have been over and over things and just can not find it. Yet. The boss took all the records and he is pouring over them like an IRS agent on a mission to put me out of business. I am sure it is something stupid, some credit debited or debit credited or freight charge run-a-muck.

I was supposed to talk to them today. I was going to give my three weeks notice. But now? If I give notice, maybe they will think I have done something illegal. Maybe I am just a big ole worry wart. YUK. (note to self: do not refer to yourself as ANY type of wart)

Whatever, I don't need this stress. I should not be feeling like I am a shady character. I mean I may come in a few minutes late or sneak a few extra minutes at lunch, make a personal call or two, but I am not shady. Ok enough of this foolishness. Whatever his problem is, it's not mine anymore. Now I need a shot or five!

2005-06-06T13:43:00.000-04:00

Where To Start

I don't really know where to start, I have neglected my blog for so many days. Let's see: At the moment we are packing and sun burnt.

Packing consists of going thru every single item in the house and deciding if we need it or not. Some things are easy: toothbrushes? Yea, we need those. Stuffed animal that is older than my youngest child? Umm, maybe? OK, NO. We don't need that anymore. We want to cut down our things so we can get the smallest truck possible, to save money. Rental trucks for one way moves are outrageous. Out-fucking-rageous I tell ya! You can rent a U-haul for 40 bucks a day if you are staying in state. But if you are moving out of state that same truck costs about 500 bucks. Hubby is not happy with this situation but there is not alot we can do about it. We have to pay what they charge ya know? Hence the cutting down on anything old, worn out, half broken guinea rigged, no longer fitting or unneeded. Ugh I had to wrestle 2 hefty bags of cloth away from 'Lil Diva. Clothes that she no longer fits into. The child hates to give anything up. I even tried the , "well you will be donating them to a little girl who does not have any nice clothes" ploy. Didn't work. She still was not happy. Of course because I out weigh her I won, but if looks could mame or paralyze, I'd be in trouble.

And sun burns, they suck. Can I just say that? We went to the beach with the Shelster and yes we wore lotion. SPF 30 for the kids and tropical coconut, "love that tan skin" lotion for me. The kids are fine, just a slight tinge of pink. I however have renamed my tanning lotion "I hate that crisp sun burnt skin" lotion. I am very red and my skin is screaming. It hurts to look at it, never mind sleep on it. I think the only sliver of happiness I may have in the near future may be to lay nekked with a wet cold sheet over my body after drinking a gallon of rum. Maybe.

Happy Monday!

2005-06-01T14:24:00.000-04:00

Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore!

Phew! {{sigh}} I feel like I just stepped off of a merry-go-round that has been spinning out of control for 5 days!

We made the trekk to Maine. We saw the boy again. We saw the future chong estate. (estate? HA!) The area is breath taking. The town looks like Martha's Vineyard, if you have ever been there. Little stores and shops and prettiness! We will be 2 minutes off the main street of the town. From our upstairs windows we can see the mountains. Oh my god the beautiful mountains! I can not even explain them to you. I have never seen anything like it in my life. We can not see the tip-top of the mountians, well some of them, becuase they are above the clouds!

From the end of our street we can see the lake. There is a public park on the lake where we can go to swim, and there is a playground right on the lake-beach. There is a small movies theatre in walking distance of our house. The lake and the beach are pretty much with in walking distance too. I don't know how else to explain it. If you could see the neighborhood I live in now, and the neighborhood I am moving to, you would fall down dead, I almost did. And the best part of all? LESS RENT! Yup! Thats right we will be paying less rent to live in a nicer, cleaner, less populated neighborhood.

I keep saying to myself, something is wrong here. Veweeee wwwong. I feel like I am in the twilight zone or something. I keep waiting for Aston Kucher to come storming into my house with his crew, saying, "You got punk'd you mother beep, beep, beep" But I wouldn't cry like that stupid simpson sister did! I would drop kick his ass, then Demi would drop kick mine, it would just be a big ole mess.

Anyway, life is good, no crapfest at the moment. We tell the slumlord we are moving today. HA! No rent for you! (soup nazi-seinfeld) We paid our last month when we moved in sooo, yee-haw! I still have to decide when to break the news to my boss. I wish I could still work for them, long distance, from my house. {{sigh}} Oh well, big chances equal big rewards right? Let's hope so.

Happy Wednesday!

2005-05-26T13:51:00.000-04:00

IMG013
Originally uploaded by Sissychong.

Here he is. As promised the boy at 19. There are some pretty scenic river pictures here and a couple of pictures of my Chong-ettes here if your interested.

2005-05-25T10:35:00.000-04:00

Thoughts On Migration

This weekend my family and I are making a trip to the great state of Maine. Yes, another one. Yes, we were just there two short weeks ago. We are going to view and apartment/duplex that really seems to good to be true. (pinch me)

The place is big enough for us. It is in our price range. The manager has given me the impression that we can have it if we want it. From researching the town online, it seems to be everything we are looking for. A quiet, rural, scenic place to live. There will be no pop-capping in this town for sure. No more street fights, on sunny days because drunkards can not hold their tongues. There are 93,000 less people in this town, than where we live now.

My kids are going to have major culture shock if we move there. But in a good way. I can picture my son saying, "Mom those two guys are shaking hands.....aren't they supposed to be spouting swear words and punching each other?"

I am both scared and excited to see the place. Excited for obvious reasons but at the same time I am picturing a shack in the woods with an outhouse. I need a flushing toilet people. A bear may pee in the woods but Sissy, does not. Unless I am drunk and it is an emergency...but that is another story all together.

I am also scared that it will be everything that we want. Then we will be moving, and that's scarey in itself. I have no clue how to co-ordinate a long distance move. Is there such a thing as a "long distance move" planner? Like a wedding planner on wheels? What's so hard right? Rent the truck, pack it up, drive it, unpack it, be happy. Seems easy enough. I better refill my valiums before I undertake this migration because the closest Dunkin Donuts is 42 miles away!

Anyone ever move their family hundreds of miles? Please share your experiences.

Happy Wednesday!

2005-05-24T08:43:00.000-04:00

Tuesday Trivia

A leading magazine reported that 75%* of all marriages are doomed, if the man proposed to the woman in this public place.

Where is it?

*Ok, i made up the percentage because I can not remember what the real percentage was, but it was high, higher than 75%, sorry I suffer from CRS, pity me.

2005-05-23T13:34:00.000-04:00

Let the Commenting Begin!

Comments are fixed! Have a ball!

Brontosoraus, Stegasoraus and Kankasoraus!

2005-05-23T12:36:00.000-04:00

Brontosoraus, Stegasoraus and Kankasoraus!

Good morning ya'all! I am still tweaking this new look. I can not seem to get comment to co-operate, dam html! Hopefully they will be up soon. I can not live with out feedback. Until then....read this:

Bam-bam: Mom, I have a pimple in my mouth and it burns when I eat.

Sissy: Hmmm, after you are done eating, brush your teeth and I will look at it.
It's probably a kanka-sore.

Bam-bam: A kankasoraus?

'Lil Diva: A Kanka- sore-ass?

Sissy: Lets just call it a boo-boo...mmmmkay?

Happy Monday!

Psuedo PMS

2005-05-20T10:14:00.000-04:00

My husband sent me on an errand last night. He loves to eat Hershey's chocolate bars and drink black coffee at the same time. So he asked me if I could stop at the store and buy him a 6 pack of Hershey bars. Now, I have spoken to him about this before. I don't think it's nice that he sends the fat chick for chocolate a couple of times a week. I can feel the customer's behind me looking at my purchases. I know what they're thinking. And what the cashier is thinking is even worse. "No wonder she is fat, she comes in here 3 times a week and buys 18 candy bars at a time!" They probably have nick-named me Hershey Butt!

When I was leaving for the store last night, I hollored, "Anyone else need anything from the store?" My daughter came up to me and whispered in my ear, "I need pads". NO PROBLEM right? I have long ago outgrown any embarrassment about buying these products. It wouldn't phase me, even if my father was the cashier and I was buying a case of ribbed for her pleasure
condoms. Pfft...whatever!

Let me give you some advice. Do not ever go to the store and purchase these two items together. I mean if you have a cart load of stuff, it doesn't matter. But when you walk up to the register with a box of pads and a couple of six packs of Hershey's chocolate bars.......well it just screams PMS. It was a horrible experience and it was no better for the boy behind the cash register! He fumbled with the box of pads and dropped them on the floor, there by making every person in the immediate vicinity rubberneck to see what had hit he floor. I could feel the tension as each pack of candy bars beeped thru the scanner. I wanted to explain to the boy that the chocolate was for my husband and the pads for my daughter, but...well that would have been down right tacky, I endured the totrture silently. I wonder what they call me now?

Happy "Hershey Butt" Friday!

Two Hundred-Twenty-Eight Month Letter

2005-05-18T10:38:00.000-04:00

Randy 001
Originally uploaded by Sissychong.

Today you turn 19 years old. (228 months)NINETEEN FREAKIN YEARS OLD! I can not believe it. It seems like just yesterday, that I was in labor and so anxious about it that I would not let your grandmother leave my side. Not even to run out and smoke one quick cigarette. And we all know she loves those butts. She gave it up for those hours, she didn't want to miss your birth. And she didn't. The moment I heard your first cry is one of the most precious moments in my life. I cried the first time I looked into your beautiful blue eyes. There you were in my arms, after waiting to see you for 9 months. Nine months of playing soccer, with my ribs as the goal posts. I was convinced you would grow up to be a famous soccer player. I used to love to watch you roll around. My stomach looked like you were doing the wave in there at some points.

You were a great baby, always happy. I remember your grandmother offered to get up with you at night so I could sleep and I was like, no way, I am getting up with him, that's my boy. I was more than happy to get up, to spend time with you.

As you grew I was amazed at each milestone you reached. Your first smiled was when I squeezed the musical glow worm nana bought you when I was pregnant. You recognized the music. I used to squeeze that worm every night before I went to bed. I would hold it near my tummy, so you could hear the music.

The first time your little chubby fist tried to grab at the little plastic keys I used to juggle near you, I was amazed at your genious. You had such a look of concentration on your face!

2005-05-18T10:36:00.001-04:00

Randy 002
Originally uploaded by Sissychong.

Your first steps, the first time you said the ABC's, the first time you wrote your name, I remember it all.

2005-05-18T10:34:00.000-04:00

Randy 003
Originally uploaded by Sissychong.

I remember your first day of school like it was yesterday. I was so nervous to let you go into that cold cruel school with out me. What if your shoe came untied? What if you couldn't get your little straw out of its plastic at snack time? How would you ever open that little carton of milk, with out me? I don't know why I felt that way, at home you could be a miniature houdini. I guess it was a mother thing.

2005-05-18T10:33:00.000-04:00

Randy 004
Originally uploaded by Sissychong.

You taught me so many things as you were growing up. Yea I know that sounds weird, but you did. You taught me that I could love unconditionally. You taught me to be strong. You taught me to never stop trying to have what I wanted in life. Because I wanted to instill these things in you, I tried to set an example.

Seventeen Yrs. Old

2005-05-18T10:25:00.000-04:00

Randy 006
Originally uploaded by Sissychong.

I was so proud of you in everything you did. You played little league, you took karate. Only for a little while though. Those two hobbies didn't really appeal to you. You loved video games. You used to kick my butt when we played Mario Brothers. And you were what 7? Some where along the line you developed a love for wrestling. Your little league coach had given us some tickets to a local show, we saw several local shows and you were hooked! You went from wrestling around the parlor with your sister to back yard wrestling with all of your friends, a real ring and real shows. Then you wrestled semi-professional. Wow, the first time I saw a match I was in awe. You were great! Your stage name was Omega. I made a sign that said, "Omega Rocks!" I proudly waved it around and screamed as loud as I could when you came out! I lost my breath when you got thrown out of the ring and landed flat on your back on the concrete. Good thing you were ok, or I would have had to kick some semi-pro wrestler's butt. Or at least pull his hair!

I don't remember when you got your first skateboard. I don't remember who introduced you to that, but I am glad they did. You can flip that skateboard around like nobodies business. That is where you got the nickname FlipKid I guess. Even today I love to watch you skate, it amazes me how you are able to command that board.

When you left school it broke my heart. I was so sad and worried about you. The only way I could react was to help you, love you, support you. I wasn't happy about it but this is where unconditional love comes in. I just had to keep pointing you in the right direction and hope you would find the right path. And eventually you did. It was many grey hairs and sleepless nights later but you did. I could never understand how some of your friend's parents could kick them out on the street with no where to go. I guess it was their style of parenting. But it sure wasn't mine. I tried to be 14, 15, 16, 17 again and put myself in your shoes to understand how you were feeling. I think that worked pretty well.
Those were rough years, but we stuck together and got thru them.

I think of you now and I am filled with pride. You have turned out to be quite a young man. You have your own place now. It was so hard to bring you there. But in my heart I knew it was the right thing to do. The best thing for you was a fresh start. These past 4 months have been hard for me. I miss you so much. Sometimes I will be home and I hear a skateboard go down the street and I automatically think, "Randy is home" And then I realize that you are not. This year was filled with a lot of firsts for us too. First Easter apart, first Mother's Day apart and now your first Birthday away from me. I realize we have entered into another chapter of our relationship and I am getting used to it.

We have never been rich. We have not always had everything we wanted, when we wanted it, but I hope you know that my heart was always overflowing with love for you. I guess I just wanted to say I love you, I am proud of you and thank you for all of the beautiful memories I have of the past 19 years.

Happy Birthday Randy!

(Tomorrow I will post a picture of him now at 19)

Flickr

2005-05-17T16:41:00.000-04:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Wondering..........

2005-05-17T14:24:00.000-04:00

Why does Dog The Bounty Hunter always say "Bra" instead of "Bro"?

P.S. Leland........love you man!

Tuesday Trivia

2005-05-17T09:42:00.000-04:00

What song is played 365 days a year, all around the world?

HINT: It is most liked by woman and children, not so much men.

I can smell the brain cells burning already!

What's your guess?

Thinking................

2005-05-13T16:11:00.000-04:00

Someone really should invent instant drying white out.

I do NOT have the patience to sit here and wait for this shit to dry!

How Long Ya Had That problem?

2005-05-13T09:40:00.000-04:00

I had a strange dream last night. I think Kristine lodged the thought in my subconscious with her post. Now months later is it back to haunt me.

All I remember of the dream is looking down, and there was hair on my boobs. Now I am not talking about your average stray. I am talking about the Austin Powers variety of fur. Yes people, I had furry boobs. I was so horrified. Mortified even. I ran to my dresser looking in the mirror, hoping I was hallucinating. What I saw did not help me. I kept looking back and fourth from my horrified face to my furry boobs. My face was frozen in the "Home Alone" position. It looked like I had two furry pasties on. I looked like this. Only not blue. Now, picture that, with McCauly Culkin's face, except with longer, slightly darker hair (on my head).

I woke up at that point, so I don't know how I remedied the situation. I was probably late for work and just stuffed my furry boobs into a bra, put my shirt on backwards and ran out the door! Thank god, it was a dream!

Happy Friday the 13th!

Happy "going to visit my son" weekend!

I am coming to Maine H.O. Potomus...I'll be the one with all the teeth!

Shit, Tagged Again!

2005-05-12T11:26:00.000-04:00

My Ten Favorite Things:
(In random order)

1. Chocolate
2. Sunshine on my face
3. Laughing with good friends
4. Walking barefoot in the sand
5. Virgin Snow (unwalked in, un pissed in, before it gets all dirty and yukky)
6. Fettucini Alfredo
7. Monet Paintings
8. Kissing baby toes
9. Eskimo kisses with my kids
10. My pillow, my comfoter, my bed and sleep (technically that is 4 but they all go together)

And with that my friends I am going to take a nap {{yawn}}

Shit, I done Got Myself Tagged!

2005-05-12T08:18:00.000-04:00

If I could be a scientist
If I could be a comedian I so totally would do stand up. I love to make people laugh, probably why I am such a goof!
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter I would move to the South of France, and I would paint beautiful landscapes from the buttcrack of dawn right straight into the evening!
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a chef
If I could be a psychologist
If I could be an athlete I think I would be a gymnast, and I would work really hard and make it onto the USA olympic team and then I would win the gold medal. And after they presented me with the medal I would stick my thumbs in my ears, wiggle my fingers and stick out my tongue at the camera for all the world to see!
If I could be an inn-keeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider
If I could be a bonnie pirate
If I could be a world famous blogger
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world
If I could be married to any current famous political figure I would divorce his ass right quick, everybody knows you can not trust politicians, they are all crooked as the Mighty Mississipi!
If I could be an astronaut
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be a lawyer I would quit my job and move to a warm carribean island where I would live out the rest of my life walking barefoot in the sand and drinking Margarita's with Jimmy Buffet!

I am glad that is over! Now, I totally have to tag 3 people, except Shelli has already tagged everybody, (greedy biyatch) so ummm.......if you are reading this and you have not been tagged......TAG.....you are it! Don't forget to post in my comments and let us all know when you are done so we can go read your answers.

The rules are pick 5 occupations and you know, do it up! DO IT UP? HA! That phrase was so cool in 19.............ummmm, high school. It was a stoner phrase if my aged memory serve me correctly!

Oh, that leads me to a question: What word or phrase was popular when you were a teen ager?
Let's put together a least of "I would NEVER say that now" phrases. Yayyyeee I invented a game!

Happy Thursday!

Shutcha Mouth Foo, an Getcha Crew!

2005-05-11T08:55:00.000-04:00

Have any of ya'all heard "SWITCH", by Will Smith? OK, stop your laughing. Yes I said Will Smith. So what, I like him, make fun if you want to, I don't care. Something about that dam song pumps me up. It gets my blood pumping, makes me want to shake my groove thang! I don't know if it is the words, or the beat, or both but, oh man, I dig it. So much so, that I had to immediately go to Wally World after I heard it for the first time, to buy the CD. I sometimes listen to that song over and over again on the way to work. Dancing in my seat, with the music very loud. It gets a tad embarrassing when I stop at a traffic light, still dancing in my seat, and I look over and see the guy/girl next to me smirking at me. Today, the song was at the "shutcha mouth foo, getcha crew" part and I mouthed the words, as Big Willie sang them, to the smirking tartlette next to me. HA! Big Willie's got my back girl, don'tcha be smirkin at me!

What song pumps you up? And why? And what's the silliest thing you have ever done while listening to said song?

Is it in the Stars?

2005-05-10T08:11:00.000-04:00

This is my horocope for today:

Capricorn(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)Thinking about asking for that raise? Well think no longer. Step right up and ask for it. There's no way they can refuse you now. After the stellar performance you've been putting on lately, they'd be foolish to lose you.

Do you believe in horoscopes and astrology? I do and I don't. I have been thinking about asking for a raise. I even bounced a few ideas off Shelli the other day. So does this mean I should ask? I had tentitively decided not to because I didn't think I could stand the sound of their laughter, echoing in my head for the rest of my life. But, according to my horoscope I am in like flin. {who IS flin anyway?}

Does anyone have any experience with the reliability of horoscopes? Have you followed the advise and gotten totally screwed? Have you not followed the advice only to find out later that you should have?

(added 2 hours after original post)
PS. I just realized I had my fucking shirt on backwards! Today may not be the day to ask for a raise, I wonder if my boss noticed. Aaah fuck, this man trusts me with his business? I can not even dress properly! I mean it was kind of dark in the bedroom but the buttons down the back should have been a clue! (kidding)

Change is Good!

2005-05-09T14:27:00.000-04:00

I feel pretty, oh so pretty {{ballet turn...ballet turn}}

Kristine fixed me up real purty like! And now I have girly flowers. Beautiful. Isn't she wonderful? {{insert the roar of the crown}} She just im'd my ass, well not my ass, but you know, and she was bored and asked me if she could fix my blog. In 15 or so minutes she was done and there you have it! She is a WIZ! Thank You, oh wonderful fixer of blogs {{bowing}}.

I hope ya'all had a great Mother's Day. I did. When I got home on Friday, I had gotten a card in the mail. It was from my oldest son for Muma's Day. It was a beautiful card. It is the first card I have gotten from him since he stopped making me cute things in school. Inside he wrote: Mom, I appreciate all the help you have given me over the years with my problems. Everything is going to be alright now. I love you.

And I cried, and cried. It was so nice to read those words. Ya know when you go thru rough times with your child, you just have to keep talking, keep communication open. Tell them things, sometimes over and over again. Once they are at a certain age you have to let them make decisions for themselves, right or wrong they have to make their own mistakes. You hope you have instilled in them good judgement and good morals and you hope that one day they will say something to let you know they heard all those things your were saying, just may not have used your advise at that moment. When I read his words, I knew he had heard everything I have said thru the years. Going to see him this weekend for his birthday. He will be 19 years old on Wednesday, May 18th...BoooYAH!

Call me Van Gogh

2005-05-03T14:20:00.000-04:00

I just got up from my desk with my ear piece still connected to my phone and I nearly ripped my ear off! That made me think of Van Gogh. Van Gogh made me think of the trip I took this past Sunday to an area museum, to see some fine art.

I had such a great time. Hubby went with me and had never been to a museum such as this before. I could have walked around and studied the beautiful art work all day, but my feet got tired and Hubby's back started to hurt, it's tough getting old. My most favorite peices were of the expressionists, oh god I love Claude Monet. I could look at his paintings all day long and never get bored. And of course the there was the 8 foot high hand carved wooden Buddha and the Egyptian mummy and his sarcophogas. I forget his name, but he was a high preist.

When we left, and we were driving home, I asked what Hubby's favorite piece was. His reply was touching. He said my favorite piece was watching you stare at the artwork, how you study it and your eyes light up. Awwwee, he is so sweet.

You see I have a degree in graphic design. Which means I also studied fine arts for, maybe two years. Now I know what you are thinking, if I have a degree in design, how the hell did I become an office manager? Yea, I ask myself that question too. When I graduated, I was burnt out. Really, really burnt out. You see I went to school, full time and had 4 kids to take care of at the same time. And anyone who has taken art classes knows they kick your ass. So yea, I was burnt out. I decided I wanted my artwork just for me. In other words I did not want to create art to someone elses standards i.e. a client. So I fell back on my former training and got a job managing an office. Less stress. Kind of.

This past Sunday at the museum, I awakened something with-in myself that had been dormant since graduation. I think I may be ready to go back to design. It would be a nice thing to have back in my life again! Anyone want to hire a graphic designer?

Happy Tuesday!

Dooced

2005-05-02T10:00:00.000-04:00

I used to feel safe here. This was a place where I could write my thoughts, my pain, my joys. This was a place where I could be totally honest with myself. Sometimes you can think things to yourself, but are not ready or feel it will do more damage than good, to tell the person that is involved with you in the situation. Did that sentence make sense? I don't know I had to re-read it 3 times before I was done. What I mean is, maybe I should be specific here, my husband and I are going thru some trying times. This is no secret to all of you. It is no secret to me or to him. Sometimes frustrations build up. I needed someplace to let out my frustrations. I didn't want to unload on him, because I felt and still feel that he is going thru too much to pile more on top of him. But I knew that I could no longer keep eveything inside of me. I could not talk to family or friends, they just wouldn't understand. Plus there is the judgemental issue. I know my family would judge and that is not their place. Nor will I allow then to pass judgement on my husband. My family seems to think that they are up on a pedastal or something, but that is another story all together. So I began to write here. It was like therapy for me. Instead of going to a therapist and sharing my problems, I came here, to all of you. I got encouragement and understanding, and some of you even went thru or were going thru a similar situation. You gave me your incite and even when you didn't know what to say, you gave me a virtual pat on the back and let me know that everything was going to be ok. See, that is the great thing about blogging (sometimes), you can be open and honest and you don't have to worry about someone in your real life looking down on you or getting the wrong idea. It's all peaches and cream until you get "Dooced".

Yes, I got Dooced. Someone that knows me read my husband at least one of my entries here, "I Am The Bug". I re-read that entry, just before I began this post. I thought about how hurtful those words probably were to my husband when he heard them. I feel horrible that he heard these things. I feel horrible that the thoughts that I did not want to share with him, were shared.
Do I want to leave my husband? NO. Do I love my husband? YES. Did I have those thoughts I wrote down? YES. Do I plan to act on them? NO. As soon as I type them here, they are gone, out of my head. And my head feels better. Make no mistake, I want to grow old with the man I am married to. I love him. I love him like I have never loved another. I can picture us in our rocking chairs on our porch at sunset, holding hands and watching our grandchildren running around our back yard.

Have any of you ever said things out of utter frustration and depression? Things that you probably would not be thinking if you were, say, sipping ice tea on a hammock on a sunny day? Things you may feel when you are frustrated but do not really want or believe or intend to do when you are not frustrated. Like you are frustrated at something, and you say, "I can not take this any more". Does that mean that you really can not take "this" anymore? It could. Most times it is just a way to vent and to let go of some of the frustration you are feeling at that moment, right?

I don't know what I expected. This is the internet for god's sake. Millions of people could hypothetically read my words and I knew this when I began typing. I guess I should have realized that there was the very real possibility that my words would circle back to bite me in the ass. And they have. It seems to me at one point or another every blogger is Dooced. Luckily for me, I didn't lose my best freind and soul mate or my job because of my blog. Part of me feels like I should be mad. And I was for a little while. But for some reason I am not mad anymore. I know my Doocer, did not do this to cause problems. I am just sad that I hurt my husbands feelings trying to vent my own frustrations.

The thing that sux is I feel I can not be open and honest here anymore. I feel I have to sensor my words. I have, as every Dooced blogger does, thought about ending my blog. But as you all know, I have a problem with giving up. So I don't know what I will do. Sleep on it I guess.

And to top it all off, I lost my keys! I do not lose things. I mean sure the inevitable lost socks, and every once in a while I forget a kid somewhere (KIDDING) but not important stuff, like my remote start and my work keys. Keep ya fingers crossed that I find them, or I am going to have to crawl with my taile between my legs and tell my boss. YUK!

Happy Just Monday!

Is it Friday the 13th?

2005-04-29T09:05:00.000-04:00

This morning was a nightmare. My eight year old son was in a daze. The boy could not wrap his brain around the tasks at hand. He could not pick out a shirt. He had two problems. By his standards every single shirt in his closet and drawers was too small, except that in reality the shirts would have fit me! If it wasn't too small then it was the wrong color or he didn't like it.

BOY, you have on grey athletic pants with a navy stripe down the leg, what the hell is wrong with the grey t-shirt? Whats not to like about a plain grey t-shirt? Or the navy one for that matter, jeez!

We went thru every shirt. And yes, I am a saint for not jumping out the third floor window and simaltaneously ripping my hair out of my head while screaming at the top of my lungs as I fell to the earth.

Then the BEEP came. The bus was waiting in front of the house and my son was still standing there in his bare chest. "Pick a shirt, pick a shirt", I said. He cocked his head and looked at me as if I had spoken in Chinese. I sent my 6 year old down to get on the bus and tell the driver that her brother would be down in a minute. But the minute turned into 3 and he beeped again...twice! And the boy was still half nekked. I threatened to send him to school with no shirt on! And then........the bus beeped again. Nothing snapped this kid out of his shirt enduced fog. I had to send my 15 year old down to tell the bus driver to leave with out him, and get her little sister back off the bus, because if I am going o drive one to school, I might as well drive two.

Driving them to school, means I am late for work. Let's face it I am talented but I have not mastered being in two places at once. Almost, but not quite. Fifteen minutes and many popped blood vessels in my brain later, the boy has an acceptable shirt on and we leave. I ask my husband to call my boss and tell him I am running late. <<< Remember that sentence. I drop off one child at the high school and head to the elementary school. I stop to let the two little ones out, it took all of two minutes for them to hop out of the car. The guy behind me was going postal, his arms were waving and his mouth was moving. So of course, I lingered to make sure they got onto the playground safely. As soon as they were out of sight, I turned around and flipped that guy right off! Yes, people, I had road rage, sitting still at a school cross walk. It was not the most mature thing I have ever done, and I hope to god none of the teachers or other kids saw me, but he stopped moving his mouth and waving his arms, so it worked right?

I get to work and my boss says, "If you are going to be this late could you please call?" My jaw dropped, and then I apologized and explained that hubbychong was supposed to have called for me. NICE, I am 30 minutes late, with no phone call, the day after I got a bonus.

But wait, it gets better, the phone rings:

Sissy: Good morning, So and So's Office

Hubby: Good Morning, I am calling to let your boss know you are going to be late.

Sissy: Well, thank you for calling, I'll be sure to let Mr. So and So know I am going to be late.

Hubby: OK, great, bye.

CLICK

Mr. SO and SO: Better late than never, huh?

Sissy: Yea {{insert geeky, nervous grin here}}

You see people, this is how my life works!

Happy Thank God It's Friday!

Migraines, Money and Miscellaneous Mutterings

2005-04-28T09:16:00.000-04:00

Woke up with a migraine this morning. BLAK! or a My-brain as a friend of mine used to say, ya know because my brain hurts? Get it? HA! As you can tell by my joking, I have successfully obliterated the migraine, for the next 4 hours anyway, with "super-duper-migraine-be-gone" medicine. My doctor tells me they are not migraine headaches, they are tension headaches. Ummm, ok smarty pants with the degree in medicine, then how come when I take tension headache medicine it does not go away but, when I take migraine medicine it goes away? Hmmm? Yea, ya see? And I didn't even need to go to school for 8 years to diagnose it! Jeez, dam doctors think they know everything.

Anyway it's been 8 days, since I have been here. I know, I am a Slackaaaaaaaa (Sheli), but what can I say, nothing worth writing about has come up.

Yesterday was Administrative Professional's day. My wonderful boss's (bosses?) gave me a nice vase full of tulips, and a thank you card, and a hundred smackers, yee ha! I swore to myself that I was not spending one dam penny of it on bills. You see evertime I get a bonus I usually end up spending it on bills or on something someone else in the family needs, clothes, haircut, whatever. Not this time dam it. I have already told Hubbychong, I am spending this money on ME. Sorry family, but every once a decade I need to come first, mmmkay?

My problem is this I don't know what to do with the money. I can't decide. I was thinking maybe a pedicure, which I am in desperate need of. Or maybe a new hair-do and some high lites for summer? Definately not buying any clothes, I am on a diet and have been losing weight, so soon I can just go shopping in my closet for the clothes I grew out of and haven't seen in two years. Maybe a digital camera, printer dock, combo? Or a new cell phone? Or I could use the money to go see my son, who I haven't seen in almost a month. Gosh, it seems like so much longer than that. I miss that boy, but my heart is happy knowing he is safe.

Decisions, decisions. Wanna help me decide? Great! Thanks.

Happy Thursday!

What kind of English you speak?

2005-04-20T15:15:00.000-04:00

Here is something fun....because I hardly ever ( or is it never have) done anything fun on this blog. 10% Dixie just because I say ya'all. I don't say it because I am from the south, I say it because I hate the term "you's" or "you's guys", so I replace it with ya'all. Sounds better doesn't it?

Don't mind that mess down there, I had to rewrite some of the html which I am no freakin' good at. (can anyone teach me?) And that stuff just wouldn't go away.
If you want to find out what kind of english you speak go here.
Happy Wednesday!

Your Linguistic Profile:

45% Yankee

40% General American English

10% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

CRACK-fo-mercials

2005-04-19T14:10:00.000-04:00

Can we talk for a moment about infomercials?

Great, thank you.

I am drawn to infomercial products, like a moth to a flame. Each and every infomercial I see, I want that product. As I am watching the infomercial, my brain is wizzing along, "oh I could do this and that and make this and fix that and....", you get the idea. I just know, that particular product, is going to simplify my life beyond belief. If I just had Yoga Booty Ballet I could be thin, and if I had the scunci steamer, my husband would never have to wear a wrinkled shirt again. It doesn't help that I am either half asleep or half awake when I surf into these infomercials. My half whatever brain, thinks it is smart and can coerse my half awake fingers into dialing for these items before I fully awakened. Let me say it now, I have actually never ordered and infomercial product, but I have come close. I have, however, had the phone AND the debit card in hand! Since then I have had to implement the "Sissy's 24 Hour Rule" for infomercial ordering. This, in short, is when I allow myself to write down the phone number, but I then have to wait 24 hours before I order. If the need is as great in 24 hours, then I will be free to purchase the wonder-product with out guilt. If not, (and so far) then I don't.

Oh don't get me wrong, I see through their exaggerations and hype. I even ridicule infomercials aloud, but in the back of my head, this little itty peice of my niave brain trys to take hold of the situation.

Sissy's Mouth: Shut up Daisy with your windsor pilates, you have always been thin you bitch!

Sissy's Brain on Infomercial Crack: Hey fingers, if we had Winsor Pilates, we could be tone and beautiful, just like Daisy Fuentes, I bet it would even tan our skin like hers, if we did it in the sun.

Sissy's Mouth: Oh my gosh, the magic bullet is just a stupid min-blender in disguise!

Sissy's Brain on Infomercial Crack: Hey fingers, if we had the magic bullet, just think of all the wonderful drinks and homemade salsas we could make for our friends and family. And in less than a minute! How cool is that?

Sissy's Mouth: Oh Jack, please it is darn time you retired dude.

Sissy's Brain on Infomercial Crack: Hey fingers, if we had Jack Lelaines juicer, well then we could be so very healthy drinking all of those delicious fruit and vegetable drinks with all the antioxidants that will ward off colds and allow us to live to a ripe old age of one hundred and two, like Jack has. And we could trick the kids into drinking their daily requirement of fruits and vegetables, there by earning us the Mother of the Year award.

Sissy's Mouth: Jeeze Tony, holy mother of all that is sweaty must you yell, sooo much?

Sissy's Brain on Infomercial Crack: Hey fingers, look at those healthy, fit people. You do know that the buns have been longing to look like that right? All we have to do is get that Gazelle, ok?

And so it goes, my struggle....dam you infomercial producers and your crack!

I AM THE BUG

2005-04-15T08:33:00.000-04:00

CAUTION: MUCH WHINING AHEAD

Ya know that song that says, "sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug"? Well, I am the bug. Things at Casa de Sissychong have not been going well lately. Hubby chong has been decreasing his "medicine" and he has been miserable with a capital, UGH! I don't mean to blame him for my troubles, but, pfft, I don't know who else to blame. Certainly not myself. How could that possibly be? Why would I make myself miserable? Right......

To him it's me and to me it's him, and to the kids, well I don't know they think we are both nuts I suppose. Not that we are yelling and screaming because we are not. He has been distant and I can not handle it anymore. I have been extra sensitive and emotional and he can not handle it anymore.

My first instinct is to cut off the problem. Ya know just cut it off an get rid of it. Run away, run, run away. Leave it behind. Stuff it way down inside where no one can see the pain. Stomp on it's ass. One problem with this is that I have a hard time giving up and admitting defeat. Another problem is that I LOVE HIS CRANKY ASS. The third problem is that I can not really pin point the problem. The real problem. Maybe if I can understand the real problem then I can fix it. Oh yea baby I am a fixer. I feel I need to fix everything. Yea, I am niave like that. I think I can fix everything for everybody and make the world a happy place, now everybody hold hands and sway in unison please. The problem with this is that I can not fix everything for everyone. I need to realize this and to accept it. Yea, that's it accept it. I guess I have realized it, now I need to accept it. I need him to fix his own troubles and I need to fix mine. I need to stop cushioning him from the world.

Some people would say it might be a good idea to seperate and each work on ourselves. If we are meant to get back together than we will work it out. On one hand I agree. On the other hand, it feels like giving up. Giving up is bad, giving up is weak. I don't like giving up. I don't want to be alone. I am afraid to be alone because I think I may hate it or I may love it. I may never want to get back together. Not because I don't love him, just because I feel I would have less stress and frustration, and that might feel good for a change. I would feel bad about feeling good. Yes, I am an onion, many, many layers.

On another hand (what is this like the fifth hand or some shit?) I feel like this: ok I have been with this man for 11 years. We have had our ups and downs like every couple. The past 2 years have been really hard. I have stuck by him threw his addiction, threw his rehab, and so far thru his recovery. We have come thru a lot of shit over the years and have always been able to get thru it. I feel like I have paid my dues. I have equity in this relationship per say. If we seperate I will get the shit end of the stick. I have all the responsibility and he will have all of the fun. He will be free to do as he pleases. And my life will go on as usual, work and kids and house cleaning etc. And I will be struggling even more to make ends meet. I may even need to get a second job. I would never see my kids. THAT'S NOT FAIR. Why the hell should I struggle? While he goes off an has a jolly time?...oh hell no, he is not getting off that easy. And then, when he is better and back to being the man I met and fell in love with again, he will be with someone else! All of my standing by him will end up being for someone elses benefit. WTF?

And me I will still be alone, because who would want a 37 year old divorcee x 2 with 3 kids living at home and another on his own? No man in his right mind, is the answer to that question. Not that I really care becasue the thought of another relationship makes my stomach turn. I have seen it so many times before. "The marriage ends, the man gets remarried and has another life, with a home and a white picket fence and the women is stuck struggling with the kids and never has anything until the day she dies. I have seen it happen with my mother and father, with aunts and uncles, with parents of my oldest daughters friends. This situation was thrust in my face just this past weekend, I brought my daughter to her friend's father's house. A nice place in the country, 3 nice cars in the driveway, and addition being built....nice. I have also dropped my daughter off at the same friend's house where she and her siblings live with their mother, in a housing project, and their car? An old looking, rusty, loud mufflered mini-van. Why? Because the mother has to struggle for everyday things for her and the kids. While the father, is having a jolly ole life. I'm am not going down like that. Don't get me wrong, I am not being a snob or anything. Believe me when I say I have been there and done that. If I had to do it again I would, but why should I? Why the hell should I struggle? I have struggled enough dam it.

I know, I know, I need counseling and very strong valiums.

Happy Fucked Up Friday!

Reason # 5,248 Why I Should NOT Move to MAINE

2005-04-07T15:09:00.000-04:00

Friends like Sheli who randomly serenade me during instant message conversations about my moving,

Sheli: if you leaaaaaaaave me nooow
Sheli: you'll takeaway the biggest part of meeeeee
Sheli: whooohooohooooooooono baby please don't gooooow

Updates and The Kung Fu Hustle

2005-04-07T09:01:00.000-04:00

{{sigh}}

I thought I would start out today by making a few updates.
For those of you who have read me from the beginning you know my husband had (has) an opiate addiction. After spending a week in a detoxification hospital, he began outpatient therapy and methodone maintenance treatment. The first clinic didn't work out for him, so he transferred to another one. He has been clean for 4 months now. I am very proud of him. I am proud of him for facing his demons and for taking steps to be opiate free for the rest of his life. He goes to counceling and we go to counceling together to help understand each others feelings on this issue. Each day is a struggle for him, but so far so good. I think one thing that helps him is that I told him I was on the brink of leaving him. Or at least my ego would like to think so. I think he knows I will no longer live with an addict. At a time in my life where I could talk to no one, I talked to all of you, my internet family, you all really helped me with your kind words and support. THANK YOU!

My brother-in-law and sister-in-law who lost everything in a fire, have been doing better. Or at least heading in that direction. They have gotten some support from their coimmunity in the form of food vouchers and clothing vouchers. They have gotten support from all of you who donated via my website. They are staying with relatives, right now, but have been offered the opportunity to rent a house from someone in their church. The house is currently being renovated, so they just have to wait for that to be finished. They have also received donations of toys and clothes for the baby, which is wonderful. Again, I say thank you for your kind words and support.

I saw a preview for this movie last night. All I have to say is, ......well, I don't know what to say about it. Part of me wants to laugh my ass off, part of me is very disturbed by a Kung Fu musical. Next thing you know, Jackie Chan will be on Broadway!

Happy Thursday!

The Good, The bad & The Ugly

2005-04-04T14:52:00.000-04:00

I don't know about ya'all but this daylight savings shit has just kicked my ass. I did not want to get up at the ungodly hour of 5am this morning so I hit the snooze for 2 hours. That dam little buzzer was really starting to piss me off, ringing every dam 7 minutes, jeeesh!

I saw my son this weekend. It was awesome. He cut his hair. He cleaned his apartment. He showed me around the town that I introduced him to. I only stayed the day but it was so awesomely wonderful to see him. And to hug him, and to have him hug me back! And he said I love you. HA! He said I love you and I felt the meaning of his words. It wasn't just a "luv ya", it was "I love you" and he looked right into my eyes when he said it. It was a great feeling. He is doing good. His girl is doing good. They both have jobs now. I am so excited for them. Ahhh to be young and free again. {{heavy sigh}}

On a sadder note, the funeral is tomorrow. I can not even begin to think about how terrible it will be. I can not help feeling a bit guilty, that I am so happy for MY son, while someone close to me is so very sad for hers.

Everybody, hug and kiss your loved ones....right now, go........DO IT.........I'll wait.......

Good, I am proud of you!

Now, set forth and have a great day!

Just a boy, Not Yet a Man

2005-03-31T14:27:00.000-05:00

I feel so very sad,
My heart hurts,
My head feels heavy,

Eighteen years old,
Dies on the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

Seven shots rang out,
Seven bullets took his life,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

His mother,
she must hurt,
Her heart must be in pieces,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

She couldn't see him,
She couldn't kiss him,
She couldn't say good-bye
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

He was still a baby,
His whole life ahead of him,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

People heard the yelling,
Why didn't someone stop it,
I suppose I shouldn't judge,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

Would I be able to stand up,
In the same situation,
Put myself at risk,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

I know his grandmother,
She lost a daughter to violence,
Now she has lost again,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

I don't understand
Youth so full of rage,
Not caring about human life,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

Was it that important,
Could you not turn the other cheek,
What was it that was worth his life,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

Can't you see,
It's not getting better,
With each death it gets worse,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

What happens now,
Retaliation,
Or was this retaliation,
When will it stop, where will it end,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

Now an arrest,
What happens to him,
His family will be torn apart as well,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

I look at my babies,
My heart feels heavy and I pray,
Nothing ever happens to them,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold.

Reason # 5,672,893 Why I Want to Move to Maine

2005-03-31T09:22:00.000-05:00

I can laugh now, I think, well no damn it I am still mad. But I will tell the tale anyhow, at least someone can laugh at it.

Hubby has the car today. I sent him on an errand to drop off some stuff for me. I call him on the cell phone. He is just pulling up to "Nancy's" house to make the drop. (No it wasn't drugs, dam it)

Sissy: Hi babe, where you at?

Hubby: Just pulling up to Nancy's

Sissy: Great

Hubby: Oh shit!

Sissy: What? Whats the matter?

Hubby: There is a prostitute coming up to the car!

Sissy: Give her the fucking phone, I'll fuck that bitch up!

Prostitute: Do you live here?

Hubby: No

Sissy: {{yelling into the phone}} Get the fuck away from my husband you stupid bitch! {{talking}} At least hold the dam phone up so she can hear me!

Prostitute: Are you picking me up?

Hubby: No

Sissy: {{yelling into the phone}} Picking you up?? You skank ass hoe, I'll fucking get you a pick up, bitch.....they'll be picking your ass up off the sidewalk with a shovel!

Prostitute: grumble, grumble, asshole, grumble

Sissy: {{Still yelling various things into the phone}}

Hubby: Alright STOP, she is gone.

Sissy: Well tomorrow at 8:30 in the morning, we are going there, and I am going be in the back seat, and when you park I am going to jump out and beat the fuck out of her!

Hubby: Do you really want to be arrested?

Sissy: I don't give a shit, proposition my dam husband will she! What is she going to do, call the cops on me?

Hubby: Maybe

Sissy: What is she gonna tell them? I will say yes, I beat the shit out of her, she propositioned my husband, soliciting prostitution even, do you think they will feel sorry for her?

Hubby: You're right, probably not. Just try to calm down before you pop a blood vessel or something.

Sissy: Ok {{calming down}} I can not beleive the shit that happens in my life.

Hubby: Just, ummm, try to be calm.

Sissy: Ok........ I am calm...........

Hubby: Ok, call me later.

And we hang up.

At this point I am thinking I really hope my boss doesn't have any surveilence cameras around the office that I am unaware of. Can you picture me at my desk, yelling profanities into the phone? Well probably not since you don't know what I look like, but picture a mad woman, with smoke coming out of her ears......yea, there ya go, thats what I looked like.

Then the phone rings....

Hubby: Umm Hun?

Sissy: Yea {{still a little pissed}}

Hubby: I hate to tell you this

Sissy: What NOW?

Hubby: {{cringing}} When I was in high school, I dated that prostitute.

Sissy: WTF? Are you fucking kidding me?

Hubby: No, I thought she looked familiar.

Sissy: Well, I am glad to see that your taste in woman has improved!

Hubby: Yes, why yes it has!

Not only are the prostitutes running wild in my city, they are looking up lost loves! They are using marketing strategies to try to boost business. Has everything in this world gone high tech? Just another reason why I want to move to a mountain top in Maine...........with a shotgun!

I am Sooo Bloggin that!

2005-03-29T08:56:00.000-05:00

Hubby and I were watching some kind of news type show last night. The report was about this club in Whichita, Kansas. I wish I could remember the name, it was kind of catchy. They have scantilly clad dancers performing at this club. At some point the owners decided to make it top less dancing. Well according to some old law this is illegal. Something about not being able to expose the bare breast in public. The lawyer for the owner of the bar came up with a loop hole to get around this. He had them paint their breasts with latex body paint before they dance. As we were watching a girl dance with her newly latex painted breasts, our conversation went like this:

Hubby: Hun you should get a part time job dancing (Before ya'all start throwing rotten tomatoes at him he would NEVER allow that)

Sissy: Dancing?? As in Nekked?

Hubby: Yea, you'd make lots of money, we'd be rich!

Sissy: Rich? Where am I going to work, a strip club for blind men?

Hubby: Now there is an ingenius business idea!

Happy Tuesday!

Rain + Monday + Me = Raspberries!

2005-03-28T08:45:00.000-05:00

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Especially when it is a rainy monday. Even more so when it is a rainy Monday and the day after the 1st holiday I have spent with out my son for the past 18.5 years. How freaking depressing is that? Pretty dam if you ask me. To put the frosting on the cake I did not get to speak with him either. Total suckage!

I know this is part of life and part of children growing up and blah, blah, blah! I know all these things, some how it doesn't make it easier. I feel sad and depressed today. A family member said boy you must be psyched one less kid in the house, or something to that affect, yesterday. My first response was to gouge at his juggular vain, with the ferocity of a mother wolf protecting her baby. Thank goodness I got ahold of myself before that happened. Could you see the headlines? "Woman upset because son has moved away, breaks down and mutilates family member at Easter Dinner" Instead I just said, it's not as easy as you may think dude, and walked away before my wolf-like instincts got away from me.

Maybe I am just a mamby-pamby candy ass, behind this bitchy facade. Whatever the case may be, I am a sad bitch today.

Happy Sucky Rainy Monday!

Luv Meegan

2005-03-24T08:45:00.000-05:00

After reading Shelibells story about how she forgot to play tooth fairy one night when K-dawg had a freshly lost tooth under her pillow, (I know how it feels I have done it myself), I happened to come across this item.

"After leaving her tooth under her pillow, Meegan went to sleep. The next morning, she looked under her pillow and her little tooth was still there. She was a bit upset and asked her mother why the tooth fairy had not come. Her mother replyed, I am not sure, maybe she just had too many teeth to pick up last night. We'll try again tonight ok? Meegan accepted this answer and that night placed her tooth under her pillow again. When her mother gently took the tooth from under the pillow, there was a piece of paper wrapped around it, with her little girls hand writing on it. It read:

"Der Tooth Fary. Pleze leve me yor majik wand. I can help. I want to be
a tooth Fary to. Luv Meegan."

(From the book, Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul")

Happy Thursday!

TAG! I'm it

2005-03-23T09:39:00.000-05:00

Part-timer tagged me with this: (watch out cuz I will be tagging someone too, actually 3 someones!)

1. What book would I like to be?
Hmmm, I don't know, too many choices. I think I would like to be some kind of book to make people laugh. I know an autobiography of my life, that would make people laugh!
2. Have I ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Well, kinda, I currently have a crush on Doug Heffernen from King of Queens. I don't even know his real name so I guess its the character I have a crush on.
3. What is the last book I bought?
Find Me by Rosie O'Donnell
4. What is the last book I read?
Find Me by RoRo
5. What book am I currently reading?
Do magazines count? I am not reading a book right now but I am reading 2 magazines, Health and Weight Watchers. (I am sensing a theme here)
6. What 5 books would I take with me if I were stranded on a desert island?
"How to Build Your Own Robinson Curusoe Tree House", "Cooking with Coconuts", "Surviving on an Island For Dummies", "Wild Animals as Pets" and "Making Clothes from Palm Fronds"
7. What 3 people am I going to tag with these questions and why?
I am going to tag Shelli of course. And the two bloggers that are farthest away from me in geographical terms. Kristine and Muse.

Thank you PartTimer, this was fun!

Thank You

2005-03-22T11:43:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to say Thank you to my bestest of best friends Shelli.

I read this post Trust and Courage and it made me think of her. I would trust her to guide me blindfolded down a mountain. She is a true friend!

I can tell her anything. Bad or good she does not judge.
I can call her to talk or not talk, she is there to listen.
I can count on her to drop everything if I need a favor.
I can make plans and then break them just because I feel like staying in bed, with out getting in trouble.
She is as crazy if not more-so than I am, and she makes me laugh!
She is the only one I can get in trouble with at the movies and embarrass hubbychong with out it leading to a divorce!
I respect her for her strength.

It's nice to know someone's gotcha back! Don't worry sista, I got yours too!

Thank you Shelibells for being my friend!

Thankful Tuesday!